Tude needs chocolate! Now!
One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she’d gently shake him and ask, “What’s your name?” Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: “My name is Daniel.”
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day
Today's YouTube Tune
The Beatles - Savoy Truffle
Have you ever had a concussion?
February 28, 2012
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Tude Needs Chocolate - NOW!
February 26, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 02-26-2012
'Moo-ve Along, Nothing To See Here' - Police Called To Investigate Fake Cow
February 22, 2012Police in Germany have been accused of milking it after a cow reported to be waiting on a train platform turned out to be a fake.Callers had contacted emergency services when the life-sized replica cow was seen at Steinfurt railway station.
It later transpired the cow had been stolen from a nearby garden by pranksters the night before and abandoned at the station.
The cow's owner Bernie Schmidt said it was not the first and probably would not be the last time such an incident occurred.
'It's always being stolen,' he said.' People have a few drinks and think it would be a very funny thing to do.'
He added: 'We have her in the garden because it's a bit classier than a gnome.'
For the original article, go here.
Britain's Smallest Calf Sleeps Indoors In Basket And Has Two Dog Best Friends
February 23, 2012Clementine the hand-reared calf, who weighed just 15kg when she was born, is thought to be the smallest in Britain - and she might just be the cutest too.While the rest of her family have been braving the elements in -15C temperatures, this lucky lady has been enjoying the creature comforts of her farmer's warm home.
Clementine weighed a meagre 15kg when her mother gave birth, half the 30kg weight of a typical newborn.
She's so tiny that she currently lives indoors and is hand-fed specially formulated milk every three hours by loving farmer Tracey Martin.
The fortunate calf is small enough to be sleeping in a dog basket next to a warm kitchen stove, until she is well enough to go outdoors.
'The farmhouse currently has a new addition in the form of Clementine - our premature Ayrshire heifer calf,' revealed Ms Martin on the farm's blog.
'As she arrived ten days early and due to mum being poorly before she was born, she is extremely small - weighing only 15kg instead of a healthy 30kg.
'She has been brought inside for plenty of love and care.'
Not only does Clementine enjoy a warm bed inside, she's also growing up alongside the farm's two dogs - and it seems they've already become firm friends.
Clementine was born on February 12 and it will be at least four weeks until she is strong enough to join the other calves on the farm.
For the original article, go here.
Spazzzz!!!!
Tude!!!!!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
When did phones become smart?
Just Wondering
M_Elmer
Dear M_Elmer,
Phones have been attending school with the youth of our nation for a few years now. It stands to reason they are much smarter now than before after spending so much time in schools.Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why do things have to change? I am comfortable with things the way they are and now people want to stir things up and "change" the set order of things.
Someone who likes order in their life
Dear Someone who likes order,
If you don't change things now and then, they start to stink. Like socks and underwear. You hopefully change those everyday and THAT keeps your smelling good and staying comfortable. If you like order AND change, eat out more often. You get to give an order and get change back if you pay in cash. That would be fun.
Miss Smarty Pants
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Jerry was deeply in love with Myra, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to 'pop the question' face to face. So Jerry decided to ask her on the telephone.
'Darling,' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?'
'Of course, I will, you silly boy,' Myra replied, 'but first, who's calling please?'
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have any questions for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
February 24, 2012
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Toy Train - 1956
There was a time that a toy train was the ultimate toy!
Forward- Neutral-Reverse - Remotely controlled
Variable Speed
Operating Whistle
Operating Headlight
Operating Smoke Stack that billows smoke synced to the wheels turning.
Operating couplers - to disconnect and reconnect cars remotely.
February 21, 2012
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No Bananas!
The Queen says:
NO BANANAS!
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is? Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Today's YouTube Tune
Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven
Do you like bananas??
February 19, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Time - Rerun from Last Year
Skateboarding Dog an Asbo Risk to Bewildered Owner
February 8, 2011A man from Brighton has taught his dog Bodhi to skateboard, but now faces receiving an Asbo if he continues to let him do so in the street.Jonathan Fell has been told by officials from the local council that, following a complaint from a local resident, he must keep the dog on a lead, and can only let him ride the skateboard on his own in certain areas.
Mr Fell told The Daily Telegraph: 'As far as I am concerned if Bodhi is under control he is not causing a problem. He is always under control.
'If I call him he comes to me and sits. He loves skateboarding with the wind sailing through him.'
He added he would feel proud of being the first person to receive an Asbo for having a skateboarding dog.
'I would hang it on the wall. He is not doing anything wrong, it is a joke, Bodhi is no criminal,' the landscape gardener said.
A spokesperson for Brighton and Hove Council at least seemed to have a sense of humour about the issue, saying Mr Fell must keep the dog on a lead while he is on the road or pavement, but adding: 'Should the rules be breached further we may be forced to issue the dog with an As-Bone.'
Late last year, a teenager was given an Asbo banning him from wearing purple shoelaces, as they signified him being part of Derby's A1 gang.
For the original article, go here.
Note: An Anti-Social Behaviour Order or ASBO (pronounced /ˈæzboʊ/) is a civil order made against a person who has been shown, on the balance of evidence, to have engaged in anti-social behaviour in the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland. - wikipedia
Meet Frank the Cross-Eyed Jaguar
February 11, 2011As big cats go, Frank the cross-eyed jaguar from Delitzscher Zoo in Germany is far from purr-fect.But keepers are hoping that the 14-year-old beast can beat Europe's other boss-eyed box office hit Heidi the opossum by a whisker.
'Frank was born with crossed eyes and no-one ever knew why. By now he's adapted very well to his condition. He's very happy but he wouldn't survive in the wild like this," said a zoo spokesman.
'He's not much of a hunter and he doesn't like to climb, but when you look at his eyes you can understand why,' they added.
'It's sadly not possible to do anything about the defect as far as we know but Frank seems happy.'
Frank is now being promoted by the zoo as one of their stars.
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz says: "They match!"
Spazzz is a hawt Maui Mama!
Spazzz stole the Maid!
And the Butler.
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why is it that i can never catch the truck that runs me over every night???
Tude
You can't catch anything that runs over you. It's just physics. You could try to grab on to the axles, but then your hands would get greasy and ruin your sheets. I don't advise that.
Dear Tude,
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
When Peter Piper picked the peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did he eat?
Aloysius_son
Dear Al's son,
He didn't eat any. He was paid to pick pickled peppers. If he was meant to pop peppers into his mouth that would have been in the papers of his job description. He was purely a picker.
Miss Smarty Pants
Thankee and Abraham are this week's winners!
Thankee went to sit on the toilet and nearly sat on Tude's cat who then fell in the toilet and tried to scramble so fast to get out he was stuck...
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Jerry was deeply in love with Myra, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to 'pop the question' face to face. So Jerry decided to ask her on the telephone.
'Darling,' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?'
'Of course, I will, you silly boy,' Myra replied, 'but first, who's calling please?'
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have any questions for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
February 14, 2012
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Tude is Coming Back!
Tude is coming back home! Mom is still out of town!It's time for the party of the year at Tude's place!
Bring your party stuff!
We need lots of balloons!
And rubberbands!
And Cheese Whiz!
And Chocolate!
And Jell-o!
And popcorn!
And rootbeer!
And we will need this to get into the chocolate closet!
PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!
Oh! And Happy Valentines Day to All!
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
Today's YouTube Tune
Are you ready to party?
February 12, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 02-09-2012
Labrador Eats Plastic Frog And Plastic Cow In Space Of Six Weeks
February 8, 2012Most puppies will happily gnaw on slippers or a newspaper – but that’s not to Chester the labrador’s taste.
The one-year-old has had surgery twice in a space of six weeks after he swallowed a plastic frog and a cow.
Cheeky Chester stole the toys from the same dog while walking in a park.
Owners Marion Stribling, 42, and Neale Clark, 51, saw Chester grab the frog and rushed him to the vet.
But on Friday he was back under the knife after gulping down the plastic cow near the couple’s home in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire.
‘His fur hadn’t even grown back from the first operation,’ Mr Clark said.
The couple were insured, otherwise they could have faced a £2,000 vet’s bill.
Vet David Fennell said: ‘Swallowing toys is quite normal for young dogs but I haven’t seen one swallow toys so regularly as Chester.’
For the original article, go here.
Daffy Truck: Farmer Marches Hundreds Of Ducks Along Motorway
Februay 8, 2012Motorists must have thought they had gone completely quackers after a farmer was spotted marching hundreds of ducks along a busy motorway in China.
After impressively coaxing the usually unruly rabble of birds into a well drilled unit, farmer Xu Ling promptly marched the beaked birds along a 70mph highway in Changde, Hunan.
Mr Ling was transporting his herd of ducks back to his land from a nearby lake where they had been feeding.
Despite the risk of a fine and a caution from the police, the farmer took the superfast highway to avoid taking the long route home.
'I know I shouldn't do it and that the police will fine me if they see me, but I have more than 200 birds and you need a wide road to herd them all along at the same time,' he explained.
'The only other way home is through lots of small alleys and you lose too many birds like that.
'I apologised to the drivers but my ducks can only go so fast so I beg them to be patient,' he added.
For the original article, go here.
Phone Lines in Maui (and a rainbow)
Hot Maui Mama
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,Why does Tude always have to have a golf course in her back yard?DonkeyDear Donkey,
She had aspirations of growing up and owning her own miniture golf park complete with a windmill and exploding volcano. This is just her little way of keeping the dream alive.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,What should be a teacher's goal in life as a teacher? How many points should be scored for making a goal?Your favorite,
Spazzzzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
A teacher's goal in life should be make every kid believe they can be better than they are currently. The points a teacher gets for reaching this goal won't even be awarded till the student is a grown up. So, teachers instead like chocolate. Every person with a child in their life needs to give that child's teacher some chocolate or a Starbucks card. Both would be even better. Go thank a teacher today.
Miss Smarty Pants
Just because!
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
February 7, 2012
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Maui
A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Today's YouTube Tune
Time Was - Wishbone Ash
Have you seen your Tude today??
February 5, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 02-05-2011
Flock Of Sheep Terrorising Russian Farmer Video Goes Viral
February 2, 2012A video clip featuring a flock of sheep running rings around a farmer's moving car in Russia has become a YouTube hit
The rowdy rabble of sheep were caught on a camera phone running amok in the farmer's yard as he attempted to navigate his way out of his driveway and away from the funny farm.
The 23 second clip shows the frustrated farmer caught in a woolly whirlwind of sheep as the furry animals create an impenetrable shield around the vehicle.
The novice cameraman can be heard laughing hysterically at his friend's misfortune as he records the strange event, while the unlucky driver furiously hoots his horn attempting to bulldoze his way past the problematic herd.
The video, dubbed 'Sheep Cyclone', has now been viewed over 800,000 times on video sharing website Youtube with the caption: 'We have surrounded you. Come out with your hands up'.
Many YouTube users believe they know the reason why the dizzy animals were in such a spin, claiming that sheep run together in a circular motion when they are scared.
For the original article, go here.
Amazing Table Tennis Baby Jamie A Smash Hit On YouTube
January 24, 2012A table tennis-playing baby has become a smashing success on YouTube after wowing viewers with ping pong skills way ahead of his young years.
Appearing in a video named 'Jamie playing multiball', wonderkid Jamie returns shot after shot while perched on the left hand side of the table.
He calmly swats the balls back at his dad and trainer, pausing only to regain his Zen-like composure.
On 44 seconds he displays a wholly unconventional backhand before gleefully launching into a series of powerful smashes aimed straight at his dad.
In fact so efficient is Jamie in his Forrest Gump-esque whiff waff skills that his dad has to refill the box of table tennis balls halfway through.
While most of the praise online has understandably been reserved for Jamie, one commenter on YouTube remarked on his father, saying 'that is an awesome dad'.
Jamie's dad may have his work out however in coaching him to greatness, however; since table tennis became an Olympic sport in 1988 Chinese athletes have dominated, winning 20 out of 24 gold medals available.
See the Youtube clip here.
For the original article, go here.
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,Why did Tude take peanut butter to Maui? Is there a market for peanut butter in Maui?Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Peanut butter is wonderful. Tude should take it everywhere. It is just that good. Plus, I can imagine that peanut butter and macadamias would be delicious.Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,Do you know where I can get a replacement spring for my tail? This one has got about 300,000 miles on it, and I think I need a new one! Who carries the best deal on Tigger Tail Springs - and what do they run?Your favorite,
Spazzzzzzzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzzzzzzzzz,
I get a new spring every March. It just shows up. Flowers bloom and birds chirp and trees bud. Of course it only lasts about three months, so use it wisely. The other great part is that it is free.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Aloysius_son is this week's winner!Something about being late for a wake.
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
January 31, 2012
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Tude is Going to Maui - AGAIN!
Tude is going to Maui - again!
I guess I'll stay home and play with my flashlight.
Where is my flashlight?
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
Today's YouTube Tune
Fastball - This Is Not My Life
Have you seen your Tude today??
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