December 1, 2013Mama Possum and 15 Babies Dog And Magpie Playing
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. |
Month: November 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times - Rerun
Teenager Hit By Raw Chicken Fallen From The Sky
A teenager was lucky not to be injured after being hit by raw piece of chicken that fell from the sky
Cassie Bernand was enjoying a horse riding lesson with his instructor on a clear, cloudless day when a number of poultry pieces rained down around them, with one striking him clean on the bonce.
‘Three objects fell out of the sky in front of us, two larger and one quite small,’ explained instructor Jennifer Cording with nobody any clearer as to how the incident happened.
Officials from a nearby Tyson Foods Inc. processing plant denied that the chicken emanated from there, while local land protection manager, Milton Johnston, said it was likely that the parts came from improperly composted dead chickens on a nearby farm.
‘We can’t have pieces of chicken falling out of the sky,’ he remarked.
Avian expert Bryan D Watts has suggested that high-flying gulls carrying chicken in their mouths are probably to blame.
Ms Cording called a premature end to the lesson after the incident and said it will be discussed for a long time to come.
‘It was one of those things around here that gives us something to talk about,’ she said, before adding that ‘it was a weird night’.
For the original article, go here.
Reggie The Ram Is A Natural In Front Of The Camera
As the poster boy of the Faroe Islands farming industry, Reggie the ram loves nothing more than flaunting his enviable figure for the camera.With his photogenic good looks and mesmerising presence in front of the camera, the horned model has what it takes to become a global star.However, Hollywood remains a distant dream for the ram, affectionately christened Reggie, while he’s stuck stranded on Streymoy, in the Faroe Islands.
Posing in front of a picturesque backdrop, the scraggily male sheep appears to be revelling in his moment in the spotlight.
Intrigued by the presence of a stranger on his home patch, Reg was also snapped checking out his reflection in the camera lens.
The striking snap was taken by AFP photographer Jonathan Nackstrand on a recent trip to the archipelago islands, situated between the Norwegian Sea and the North Atlantic Ocean.
Streymoy, or the island of currents, is the largest of the Faroe Islands and is known for its strong fishing and sheep farming industries.
However, the island could be about to lose one of its stars if the bright lights of Hollywood come calling for Reggie.
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Xanga 2.0 is here! It's alive! Where was it before it was here?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Your question reminds me of the story of Dr. Frankenstein and his monster by Mary Shelly. Like the monster in the book, the creators of Xanga worked long and tirelessly to create something they could bring to life after the death of something they loved (the old Xanga). If you haven't read the book by Mary Shelly, it is a classic. Go check it out at your library.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why does Donkey like pocket watches? Don't Donkey's have enough tics already? You don't think this question will tick him off do you?
Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,So you are implying Donkey has pockets. That is ridiculous. Donkey's don't wear pants. Look at all the pictures of him, there are no pants. He certainly doesn't need something to watch his non existent pockets.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Donkey_Guy_10 is this week's winner!
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Q: What did one boob say to the other boob?
A: You’re my breast friend.
Today's YouTube Tune
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The Sunday Donkey Times 11-10-2013
Vicar Poses With A Tiger In A Toilet – But It’s All For A Good Cause
It’s something you don’t often see: a vicar having his photo taken with a tiger in the toilet.
But the father-in-loo has a good excuse, as he has found a bog-standard way of donating hygienic toilets to poor communities worldwide.
The Rev Chris Spittle has twinned all of the loos in his church with latrines in Burundi.
This year, he asked his congregation to put their money down the drain (literally) and create a hitlist of local toilets that deserve to be twinned.
Restrooms in nearby schools, a supermarket and an MP’s office were nominated, at a cost of £60 per throne. Churchgoers then voted for their favourites.
Their ‘guerrilla twinning’ tactics also saw some Scouts stage a sponsored sit on a toilet.
Mr Spittle, vicar of St Paul’s Church in Skelmersdale, Lancashire, added: ‘The way that it has all snowballed is rather incredible. What people love is that toilet twinning is a fun way of tackling a deadly serious issue.
‘Some 40 per cent of the world’s population don’t have somewhere safe, private or hygienic to go to the toilet. Every minute, three children under the age of five die because of dirty water and poor sanitation.’
Each twinned toilet is given a certificate, a photo of its latrine lookalike and exact GPS coordinates.
The Toilet Twinning scheme is part of a nationwide campaign ahead of World Toilet Day on November 19. Anyone can twin a toilet with one a country such as Afghanistan, Nepal, Ethiopia or Cambodia.
As the fundraising continues, it seems Mr Spittle is on a toilet roll.
For the original article, go here.
Going Paperless: Beaver Saves Trees By Working On A Laptop Instead
‘Dam! My computer’s frozen and I haven’t saved my work!’
This beaver has just logged on to his laptop and looks shocked at what he’s seeing.
Then again, he might just be in disbelief at how many followers Justin Beaver has on Twitter.
Even though this picture looks spur of the moment, it took the photographer weeks to catch the beaver in a perfect pose.
Leopold Kanzler enticed the rodent with the latest apple products (the fruit kind, that is).
The Austrian hid slices in the screen to make the shot look as natural as possible. He said: ‘I had to be extremely patient while waiting for the beaver to stand in all the right positions.
‘I’m not sure who had more fun, me or the beaver. But it seemed more than happy with receiving so many tasty treats.’
The picture of the eager beaver was taken on the banks of the Danube river, near Vienna.
Although the furry creature is clearly branching out online, he has lodged a complaint with IT because his PC isn’t waterproof.
For the original article, go here.
donkey donkey has some fur
yes with that i do concur....
donkey donkey has a wife
he gives lots and lots of strife!
Donkey donkey he's got ears
well, he has one ear....
donkey donkey has a site
where tude and spazzz come to fight
Donkey Donkey loves Music more!!!!!!!!
Then why did he kick YOU out the door¿¿
no SPAZ!!!! it was YOU out the door!!!!!
I don't like this poem any more.
Donkey donk and spazeroooo ...
OFF TO BED says the Queen of this zoo!
Posted 6/18/2006 at 10:59 PM by Music_turned_HumanSpazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
They say a stitch in time saves nine! What does that mean? What if you have a stitch in your forehead? What does that save?
Tude
Dear Tude,
If you stitch up holes in your forehead, it saves you from losing your mind. I don't have strong feelings about the rest of your question. It is merely sew sew.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why does Tude's father pray with his head stuck in the dishwasher and a headlamp on?
Your Favorite,
Donkey
Dear Donkey,He is the raining king in his castle and every king needs bright, shiny headwear, plus there is no wrong place to pray.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Thankee is this week's winner!
Something about shingles - I thought @Aloysius_son was the roofer.
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
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The Sunday Donkey Times 11-3-2013
A Baaa-d Cold? This Sheep Has A Sore Throat – And There’s A Video To Prove It
It’s that time of year when colds and flu bugs start taking hold – and this young ram has clearly caught one.
While all his buddies are having a great time bleating in the background, this poor soul finds himself in desperate need of a cough sweet.
His croaky voice is a far cry from previous mammals who’ve become YouTube sensations.
Most make headlines for their loud voices – including the now world famous screaming sheep (see below), Seamore the screaming seal, and the flock of New Zealand sheep who hosted a sinister question-and-answer session.
Posted to YouTube this week, the short, nine-second clip of our poorly ram has 500,000 views and counting.
For the original article, go here.
Baby Ducks Having Fun On A Waterslide
Having fun on a waterslide is a pursuit some Britons like to enjoy while on holiday.
But Brits abroad are not the only ones who enjoy the thrill of the slippery slope, as this cute clip shows.
This group of ducklings were filmed making a splash while taking it in turns to whizz down a mini slide.
The ducks took it in turns to have a go before quickly making their way back up a ramp for some more entertainment.
Thousands have watched the clip online, with one YouTube user saying: ‘How is this not viral?
‘The Korean guy singing got a billion views and this is WAY better.’
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
How does one suddenly become allergic to their own underwear - and what has it got to do with silent retreats?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Shhhh! No one is supposed to be talking, especially about underwear. Unless of course you break out in an allergic reaction in which case the only thing you can do is post about it on Facebook.
Miss Smarty Pants
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away! What keeps bananas away?
Tude
Dear Tude,This is an appealing question. No one should want to keep bananas away. They are delicious. But if this is truly a problem, I suggest you hire a monkey or a cartoonist. They will either eat them all or use them as jokes about people falling. Both things are funny and everyone needs to laugh.
Miss Smarty Pants
DingDongDoc is this week's winner!
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?Why does your nose run and your feet smell?Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
Today's YouTube Tune
Raffi - Bananaphone
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!