Month: June 2013

  • The Sunday Donkey Times - Rerun

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    Brawl Erupts at Calif. Kindergarten Graduation

    June 25, 2010

    School placed on lockdown after fight involving 20 adults; 2 women held

    Two women have been arrested following a parents' brawl that interrupted a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony, authorities said.

    School officials placed Puesta del Sol Elementary in the desert town of Victorville on lockdown Wednesday morning after a fight broke out among a group of parents.

    The San Bernardino County sheriff's department says witnesses told deputies several mothers were involved in an argument and it got physical in a field near the ceremony. Several men then jumped into the fray and the incident turned into a brawl.

    A deputy later arrested two people on suspicion of being a disruptive presence at a school. Witnesses said they were the main instigators. In all, 20 adults were identified in the brawl. A school district official said there could be more arrests.

    No injuries were reported.

    For the original article, go here.


    Driven to Distraction: 15 Cats in Car is too Risky

    June 24, 2010

    The South Dakota Supreme Court has ruled that a police officer acted correctly when he seized 15 cats from a woman who was driving with the animals running free inside her car.

    In a 3-2 decision Thursday, the justices ruled that the felines were a distraction and interfered with driver Patricia Edwards' ability to see where she was going.

    Chief Justice David Gilbertson said Edwards nearly backed into patrol car at a convenience store parking lot in Pierre, S.D., because of the moggies in her back window.

    The court said Edwards and her cats presented a significant risk to the public.

    Edwards was appealing a lower court ruling that transferred ownership of the cats to a humane society for adoption.

    For the original article, go here.


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    Have you ever gotten lost looking for the mushroom?

    This could be you!

    YouTube Here!


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    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Why do shadows leave a person?

    Missing Shadow

    Dear Missing Shadow,
     
    Shadows are afraid of the dark and will only come out with their people if the lights are on.  They are all a bit of a scardey cat.
     
    Miss Smarty Pants


    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Who invented time and why is it always too late, too early or running out?

    Missing Time

    Dear Missing Time,
     
    You need to invest in a metronome.  Those are designed specifically for KEEPING time.

    Miss Smarty Pants


    FoolOfTheWeek
    Seedsower is this week's winner!

     

    This signal does not mean enter here to pay toll.


    DonkeyNewsProfile Well, that's the way it was!

    Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!


    cooked_turkey_walking_md_wht Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day

    I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

    Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

    Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    John Sebastian - She's a Lady


    Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!

  • Have you ever used a dumbbell?

     

    At first working out can seem like a lot of fun!



    But how many reps can a donkey do?


    Dead Turkey Joke of the Day

    How did the basketball court get wet?
    The players dribbled all over it!

    Why did the chicken get sent off?
    For persistent fowl play!

    Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
    They might be cheetahs!


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    The Beatles - Golden Slumbers / Carry That Weight / The End / Her Majesty


    What is your favorite form  of exercise?

  • Julie Cat - Repost from 2009

    Some may not understand how a mere "pet" enters your heart. I do not know about other "pets", but Julie Cat was a little angel. She was a constant reminder to me of God's blessings.

    Julie Cat came to us as an outdoor kitty. She may once have been an indoor kitty. I believe someone abandoned her in the park across the street from where we live because she had a problem with her tail. When she was stressed or nervous she would attack her own tail - about the only thing she ever attacked. She would nip at her tail until it bled, and then the flipping of the tail would spread blood like a paint brush - coloring everything red - as if a psycho shower scene has occurred.

    Flash was very patient with Julie Cat, taking the her to the vet, even for numerous acupuncture treatments. I think if the tail problems had not abated, kitty-psychotherapy would have been next. But in then end, I believe it was simply reduction in stress that cured Juliet's tail problems. She was safe at our house. Safe and loved. And she loved us back.

    Her two favorite places to be were the back porch and the garage. There were at least four different ways she could travel from the porch to the garage and back. She could walk her way around either side of the house, jumping up on and over the chain link fence at the border of the front and back yards. She was an agile kitty and this was no problem for her, even in her later days. Another way, was to climb the old cedar tree at the edge of the back porch, scamper across the roof top like a squirrel, and then climb down one of the live oaks trees at the front of the house.

    Perhaps her favorite way to go from the porch to the garage, was to meow at the door until someone let her in. She would often stop for a conversation and a brief petting if she permitted it. Sometimes she would linger in the kitchen on her way, as if to inquire if there might be some scrap she could attend to - but she would not beg. She WOULD be cute! She would be affectionate. If we had failed to open the next door in a timely fashion, she might start to scratch a piece of furniture, for she knew that would get a door opened immediately, along with a firm invitation to go outside. But that was our problem - not hers. She was not going to own our issues with our furniture, and besides, it was a good way to get the door opened that did not involve begging.

    Julie Cat had the sweetest meow. At first, when she came to live with us she did not talk much. But over the years, that changed. Everyday when I came home from work, she would greet me with the day's story. Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! I always asked her what else happened, and she would usually add in a few more meows, particularly as I approached the back door for one of her trips through the house.

    Julie Cat slept in our garage at night - for numerous reasons. We live across the street from a large wooded park. Coyotes are known to frequent the park and eat cats. So Juliet had to come in at night. But she was a long haired cat, and several family members have allergies. But our garage is large, and with proper ventilation, just purr-fect for a cat at night!

    Every night, kitty would repeat the same ritual. She would come in the back door from the porch. Flash would spend time talking to her and caressing her, and then present her to me for final nightly scratches. Then she would go out to the garage and her nightly snack! Kitty might have preferred to sleep on the back porch, but either the coyotes or raccoons would have gotten her eventually. She was safe in the garage. And the midnight snack was there too. She did not have to come in every night, she could have easily run off every night to avoid the garage - but she seldom did. Maybe once or twice a year she would elect to spend half the night roaming.

    Every morning, before going to work, I would open the back door, and kitty would tell me a short story again. Then she would head off for the shower. For some reason, she loved to lap water from the bottom of the shower.  While Kitty was in the shower, I would freshen her water dish on the back porch. Then she would come out, and we would have another conversation and scratches. She loved slightly warmed water fresh from the faucet. The first thing she would do upon going out the back door, would be to examine the water dish carefully, to be sure the water was fresh, and meow at me if it was not right. Then she would wait for me to go back into the house before lapping more water from the bowl. Kitty loved rituals. And she would look at you funny if you changed them in anyway.

    If there was a leaf on the floor that needed to be cleaned up, Juliet would walk up to it and sniff and at and look at you - as if to say - when are you going to clean this up?

    I will miss Juliet. She always greeted me when I came home. Always had a sweet meow to say - never scratched or bit me. She was a constant reminder to me of how God loves us - even when we are unlovable. She was a little angel. Maybe she is an angel now? She knew how to be one!

  • Popcorn Popping!

     
    Tudesday2

    There are so many ways to pop popcorn at home.

    Here are just a few common ones used in the last 70 years or so.

    The motionless just sits there corn popper.

    Shake the foil covered pan on the stove - aka Jiffy Pop.

    Air popping - for grease-less popcorn - ptui!



    Stir crazy poppers with a motor that stirred the popcorn and oil.

    Microware popcorn.

    Make it in a pot on the stove.


    Dead Turkey Joke of the Day

    The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

    Why do they report power outages on TV?

    I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    Reason To Believe - Wishbone Ash


    How do you like to pop corn at home?
  • S'mores

     

    S'mores are associated with recreational camping. Part of the enjoyment of this simple dessert is the way in which it is made on such camping trips. A marshmallow is skewered on the end of a long stick (or metallic skewer) and held just above a campfire until its outer surface starts to brown. Once heated, the inside of the marshmallow becomes soft or molten. The marshmallow is quickly pinched off its stick with the waiting graham crackers, one of which has a piece of chocolate on it. Ideally, the heat from the roasted marshmallow partially melts the chocolate. However, some people assemble the entire s'more on the stick and cook it all at once to ensure that the chocolate will melt. Peanut butter can be added to the mix for additional flavor, either between a graham cracker and the chocolate piece or between the chocolate piece and the marshmallow. Keeping the graham crackers and chocolate near the campfire can help melt the chocolate. -wikipedia

    Can you believe it? All the times I went camping as a kid and I never got a s'more?

    I did get flamed marshmallows - hand cooked over a bonfire!

    For the engineers who need technical specs - the picture above should do it!

    But one is never enough! You gotta have s'more!


    Dead Turkey Joke of the Day

    The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

    A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

    Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."

    On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    The Beatles- Savoy Truffle


    How many s'mores have you eaten?

  • The Sunday Donkey Times - Rerun

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    Rabbit-Obsessed Lady Arrested Over Rabbit Possession

    June 18, 2009

    A woman obsessed with rabbits, known as the 'Bunny Lady', has been arrested after violating a court order that banned her from going within 100 yards of a rabbit.

    Authorities were alerted on Tuesday, after an employee at a hotel in Portland, Oregon reported finding 16 rabbits in Miriam Sakewitz's room.

    In April 2007, Sakewitz was sentenced to five years probation and given a court order banning her from owning any animals, or getting close to a rabbit. This followed from an incident in October 2006, when authorities confiscated almost 250 rabbits from her home in Hillsboro, Oregon - including around 100 dead bunnies, stored in freezers and refrigerators.

    In January 2007, Sakewitz broke into the facility where the rescued rabbits were being cared for, and stole most of them back. She was arrested a few das later with eight live rabbits and two dead ones in her car.

    Sakewitz spent a few days in jail later in the summer of 2007 after she was found in possession of a single rabbit. A subsequent check on her house failed to uncover any further rabbits, but did find a half-empty 10lb bag of carrots.

    On Tuesday, animal control officers removed eight adult rabbits, five young rabbits, and one dead rabbit from Sakewitz's hotel room. She was returned to custody, and faces animal neglect charges.

    For the original article, go here.


    Swiss Cows Fight To Be Queen

    June 14, 2009

    Furie and Cigale eye each other warily, take a step forward and lock horns.

    It's an ancient ritual, one that plays out each summer high in the Swiss Alps, as cows battle to be queen and villagers come to watch.

    Judges record every fight as spectators sit on the surrounding mountainside, sipping local wines and cheering their family herd. But it is the cows who choose who to fight and who will reign supreme at the end of the season.

    "They've been doing this ever since my grandparents were young, and even before that," says Marthe Vianin, once the proud owner of several fighting cows. "It's hundreds of years old."

    Vianin, in her sixties, has come to watch her son's two cows — Tzardon and Bamby — take on champions from other herds.

    Down in the corral, Bergamote faces off a challenge from Berkane with a fierce stare and a tussle of horns. No harm done. Still, there are clearly some seasoned fighters in this contest, judging from the scars they bear from past battles.

    Locals insist the bovine power-struggle is both humane and irrepressible.

    "It's very rare for them to hurt themselves," says Vianin.

    The fighting season starts in early June, when cows are taken up to pastures 9,000-feet (2,700-meters) high and encounter rival herds. What follows are a hundred days of grazing on lush Alpine meadows — and lots of fighting.

    Black, with short legs and built more like bulls than cows, the Herens breed found in the southern canton (state) of Valais is naturally competitive and will always establish their own hierarchy. Natural leaders distinguish themselves in battle, where strength and determination are key.

    In the fall, the herds' return to the valley is marked by a celebration. Owners decorate their cows with flowers and giant bells and they parade through the village, led, of course, by the queen.

    "It's a beautiful thing to see," says Trisha Cochrane from London, who owns a vacation home in the village of Grimentz.

    There is no prize money for the winner, but owners can fetch a handsome price — up to $30,000 (euro21,000) — if they choose to sell a queen.

    Most important, says local Albert Salamin, is the respect.

    The winner's owner is "king of the village for the year. He's more respected than the mayor," Salamin says to laughs from bystanders.

    The Salamin brothers have several cows in competition, but Albert admits only his brother Armand's prize heifer Bolero stands a real chance this year.

    Cow fighting is still taken seriously, but it's largely a hobby and a cherished tradition for most villagers, who have long since stopped living off the land.

    Four-wheel drive cars and all-year tourism have changed life in these remote Alpine valleys, bringing prosperity and making cattle-rearing less appealing to a younger generation.

    "Even 40 years ago, most families got much of what they needed from three or four cows," says Salamin. "Milk, cheese, meat, the cows provided it all."

    For the original article, go here.


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    Look Alikes From Spazzz:


    Oh! Yeah!

    Aloysius_son sent in a letter to the editor:


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    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    Nocturnal Ninny

    Dear Nocturnal Ninny,
     
    It is simply called "after dark" because that sounds more mysterious and slightly romantic.  Everyone knows that a little mystery and romance is a good thing!
     
    Miss Smarty Pants


    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?

    Rerun Watcher

    Rerun Watcher,
     
    Superman was a bit dramatic.  He had trouble getting himself dressed in such a hurry in the phone booth.  I noticed he never got his underwear on before his tights.  I'm sure that was terribly embarrassing for him.  I think he ducked for the gun toss to distract everyone from his underwear on the outside.   Pretty smart in my opinion.  Create a diversion and distract everyone from the wardrobe malfunction.
     
    Miss Smarty Pants


    FoolOfTheWeek

    Flash is this week's winner!

    Something about her birthday this past week!


    DonkeyNewsProfile Well, that's the way it was!

    Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!


    cooked_turkey_walking_md_wht Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day

    An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

    "How can you tell?" asked the American.

    "I can feel the cold air." he replied.

    A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.

    "How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."

    Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

    The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.

    The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    Sara Gazarek sings I'm Old Fashioned


    Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!

  • Summer Time

     

    It's time for summer things...

    Have some summer fun - its gone before you know it!



    Dead Turkey Joke of the Day

    One sodium atom says "oh no! I think I lost an electron", another atom asks "are you sure?", "Yeah! I'm positive".

    Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two~faced. Lincoln replied, “If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?”


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    Chicago - Saturday in the Park


    Are you ready for summer?

  • Relaunch Xanga! Just Do It!

    I know the 15th was payday for a lot of people!

    Now's your chance!

    Ante up!

    If they don't make the goal - you keep your money!

    13 cents a day!

    Sure - xanga will be different after July 15th!

    Let's find out what it will be!!

    Don't be a jackass!

    Relaunch Xanga!

    #WeAreXanga

  • Nice Tits

    These are some really nice tits!

    Well - what did you expect?

    I said "nice" didn't I?

    These are longtailed tit chicks!

    Not to be confused with chick tits!

    Xange censored my post title yesterday!

    I thought I would see if they would do it again!

  • The Sunday Donkey Times - Rerun

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    Great Tit Family Make Nest in Traffic Cone


      June 2, 2011

    A traffic cone has become the must-have des-res for a family of great tits, who moved into the red and white object in the main driveway of the grounds of Holt Hall, Norfolk.

    It has a bird’s eye view of open fields and its cost won’t dent anyone’s nest egg – as long as you don’t mind a little road noise.

    Chris Blake, head gardener at the field studies centre, lifted the cone to cut the grass and found nine eggs in a nest.

    ‘I’ve known tits to nest in walls and other places you wouldn’t expect before but this is certainly the most unusual nest I have found,' Mr Blake said.

    'The parents have been going in and out and one of them was up in the tree making a noise when I moved the cone.

    'We kept quiet about it because if we put up a sign everybody would have been nosing in.'

    Two weeks later, after a bit of tender loving care from their doting mother, they all hatched into healthy chicks.

    The birds have now flown the impromptu nest, leaving the cone free for its next residents to move in - but Mr Blake might just move it to a quieter area so he can mow the lawn.

    For the original article, go here!


    Meet the Kookaburra Who Survived a 700km Car Journey in the Front Grille

    June 10, 2011

    This tough as nails bird was hit by a car in Australia and managed to survive in the front grille for 24 hours.

    Nicknamed 'Gorilla' after the ordeal, this plucky kookaburra is lucky to be alive after pensioner Bruce Wham hit him as he drove north from New South Wales and into Queensland.

    Bruce, who lives in Wollongong, said he definitely heard something when two kookaburra's flew in front of his car, but thought nothing more of it and continued on his journey.

    When he stopped at a forecourt to fill up a few kilometres on from the initial incident, he did a quick check and saw the bird.

    Thinking it was dead he continued on his journey. But when he arrived at his destination almost 24 hours and 700km later, Gorilla had come out of his daze and was flapping about.

    Bruised and battered, the kookaburra was taken to a Brisbane animal shelter and given some tender loving care for 17 days.

    Because he's not a local Gorilla is being prepared for a flight back down to the Hunter Valley so he can be released back into the wild and rejoin his flock.

    He might even find the love of his life who was apparently flying beside him at the time of the accident.

    'Gorilla is a wild kookaburra and he hates being in the cage here, he really wants to get back to the wild, said RSPCA wildlife officer Leonie Rickard.

    'They're a very territorial species so the most important thing is to get him back exactly where he came from, and the other reason is apparently there's a girlfriend waiting for him, so fingers crossed we can reunite the two.' she said.

    For the original article, go here!


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    Spazzz Cat!


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    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    Your favorite,
    Spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
     
    Dear Spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
     
    The inside of the glue bottle is made of glue repellant material.  It's an industry secret, so don't mention that you know.

    Miss Smarty Pants


    MissSmartyPantsDear Miss Smarty Pants,

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Donkey

    Dear Donkey,
     
    Yes.  And congratulations on making the entire readership of the Donkey Sunday Times hum to themselves to make sure I am right.  (I am right!  Stop humming!)
     
    Miss Smarty Pants


    FoolOfTheWeek
    Tude is Fool of the Week until she gets better!

    DonkeyNewsProfile Well, that's the way it was!

    Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!


    cooked_turkey_walking_md_wht Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day

    An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

    "Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"


    YouTube Today's YouTube Tune

    Paul McCartney - Once Upon A Long Ago


    Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!