The editor was out celebrating Donkey's birthday last night!
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Month: October 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-27-2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-20-2013
Firefighters Sent To Rescue Panda Stuck In A Tree
October 16, 2013Rescuing cats from trees is one thing, but firefighters in China faced a task of a rather larger magnitude when called out for a stranded panda.
The animal had climbed into the branches to escape from dogs but then became reluctant to leave.
A net was held out to catch the ten-year-old male in Xi’an, Shaanxi province, but happily he came down of his own accord.
Firefighters sent to rescue panda stuck in a treeFirefighters wait for the panda to jump. Unsurprisingly he decided not to.
A staff member from the local nature reserve said: ‘The panda is good at climbing, I have never heard of one falling off a tree.
‘All that was needed was that people do not stand around and let the panda free to leave without a crowd.’
After the crowd under the tree had dispersed in the evening, the panda made its own way down to find bamboo shoots waiting for it on the ground.
For the original article, go here.
Never Drink Alone Again With Wine For Cats
October 16, 2013How many times have you got home after a long day at work, kicked off your shoes, opened a bottle of red wine and sat down with a glass, only to find your mood ruined by the fact that your cat can’t join you in having a drink?
Um, us neither, but apparently there is a market waiting to be tapped, albeit in Japan.
B&H Lifes has produced wine for cats named Nyan Nyan Nouveau, in a reference to the local equivalent of ‘meow meow’.
Describing the drink as wine may not be entirely accurate, however, as the drink is actually Cabernet grape juice, with added catnip thrown in for good measure.
Only 1,000 bottles have been produced, costing around 399 yen each (£2.5).
For the original article, go here.
Pumpkins?
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
I heard your secretary lives in Colorado. Do you live there too? Anyway, before I lose my train of thought, since your secretary lives in Colorado, have either of you ridden the train that goes from Durango to Silverton? What's it like? Even if you haven't, I have heard you know everything so you should be able to say anyway!
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Colorado is a lovely place. There are purple mountains majesty and beautiful sunrises and sunsets. It is a great place to visit and I highly recommend it. I have not taken that train ride from Durango to Silverton, but you are right, I do know everything. The ride on that train is engineered to keep you right on track. Clickety Clack.
Miss Smarty Pants
DEAR MISS SMARTY PANTS,
I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED ON CAPSLOCK YESTERDAY AND CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TURN IT OFF. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MAD AT ME BECAUSE THEY THINK I AM YELLING AT THEM. HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?
YOUR FAVORITE,
SPAZZZDear Spazzz,If you go to the library and get a free book from them about computers you will find your answer. If you are currently having a chocolate deficiency (because some fools have not paid their monthly chocolate dues to you) perhaps you can just click that button that says "caps lock" and see what happens. It is pretty amazing.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Music-Turned-Human is this week's winner!
Something about bathing in chocolate?
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?
A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.
Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint.Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
Today's YouTube Tune
Sing, Sing, Sing
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-13-2013
So, What Do Bears Do In The Woods? Play Piano
October 9, 2013They are best known for eating honey and hugging each other, but bears seem to have hidden talents.
These creatures were photographed sitting at a piano, looking at a laptop and inspecting a car engine.
Paul Cyr decided to have some fun with four black bear families that have visited his garden for three years.
He set up props including an arm chair, mirror and a camera and waited in a camouflaged hide to film the animals in a variety of comical situations.
Mr Cyr used food including seeds and jam put in strategic spots to get the bears to take up the right position for his shots.
One young bear climbed on to the seat at an old piano and seemed to play the instrument, while another peered curiously at a laptop screen.
Others bears checked their ref-lection in a mirror and even played the role of mechanic looking under a car bonnet.
Another of Mr Cyr’s images shows an expectant cub sitting in a trailer, seeming to wait for a driver to take him somewhere.
‘For the piano shots, I used sunflower seeds,’ said Mr Cyr, from Presque Isle in Maine, US.
‘The bears love the seeds but they are so small that it’s hard for them to pick them up.
‘But his paws looked great scraping over the piano keys.’
For the original article with more pictures, go here.
Orphaned Otter Cub Rescued From Scottish Street On The Road To Recovery
October 10, 2013A baby otter cub found disorientated on a Scottish street is on the mend after being rescued by an animal welfare charity.
Lost Murkle was spotted by a member of the public near the village of Lybster on Scotland’s east coast on October 3.
The eight-week-old is currently being cared for at the Scottish SPCA’s National Wildlife Rescue Centre in Fishcross, Clackmannanshire.
‘Murkle was very sick, weak and lethargic when she was found,’ explained Inspector Audrey Gunn.
‘Sadly, it’s possible her mother has been killed or frightened off. She wouldn’t have been able to survive on her own as otters usually remain with their parents until they’re around a year old.
‘After some time in a heated room at the vets Murkle became a lot brighter.
‘I was advised to feed her trout and I gave the fishmonger a bit of a laugh when I told him who I was shopping for. He joked that Murkle was better fed than him.’
The Scottish SPCA hopes to release Murkle back into the wild in around 12 months when she is ‘fit and healthy and able to fend for herself’.
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,The dog comes in and eats the toast off the cat and a fight sequence follows shortly.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,Why do different color skittles have different taste but different color M&M’s all taste the same¿
Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,That is solely to annoy Lindain and then as an added benefit it is to give her new art supplies which she uses to entertain the rest of the world. She is good about that.
Miss Smarty Pants
The US government is this week's winner!
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
A scroungy looking fellow goes into a bar and orders a drink.The bartender says, “No way; I don’t think you can pay for it.”The guy shrugs, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”
The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t too risque.”
“Done!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a very large gerbil. He puts the gerbil on the bar and it scampers down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing some wonderful Scott Joplin tunes.
The bartender says, “Truly Amazing! I’ve never seen anything like that before. Your furry friend is truly good on the piano.”
The fellow grins, downs the drink and asks for another.
“Cash, another miracle or else no drink,” says the bartender.
Undaunted, the fellow reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous baritone voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
Another patron from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $500 on the spot for the frog. The guy says, “Done, sir.” He takes the five and gives the stranger the frog.
The stranger beats a hasty retreat out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, “What are you? Wacko? You sold a singing frog for just $500? That thing must be worth millions. You’re crazy.”
“Maybe not…,” says the guy, “Considering my friend the gerbil is also a ventriloquist.”
Today's YouTube Tune
The Beatles - A Hard Days Night
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-6-2013
Cute White Female Lion Cub Born In Zoo
October 4, 2013A newborn white lion cub has been wowing visitors to a zoo in Serbia.
The young female, who has not yet been named, has already captured the hearts of guests at Belgrade’s ‘good hope garden’ zoo.
The 2.8lb youngster was born just over a week ago to proud parents Masha and Wambo. The animal park in the Serb capital now has 11 white lions.
The carnivores are no longer present in the wild so the increased numbers in captivity are welcome.
It was not all good news though as a newborn male white lion did not survive after being born recently.
A video of the cute cat has been released alongside its unveiling, showing it purring while being watched over by one of its keepers.
YouTube users commented on how cute the cub was.
No Name No Fame wrote: ‘Why are baby animals so freakin’ cute’
Enlightenfawn added: ‘Kitty! How Precious:-} She’s saying “Where’s My Mommy? I’m hungry!”‘
For the original article, go here.
Mother Haunted By Childhood Phobia Of The Muppet Show
October 3, 2013Most people have fond childhood memories of Kermit The Frog, Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear.
But even the thought of The Muppet Show terrifies mother-of-two Lindsay Broom.
She has suffered from a phobia of puppets – called automatonophobia – since she was five.
‘All it takes is for my husband, Alex, to hum The Muppets theme song and I’m a wreck,’ she said.
‘When I see them, I automatically imagine the puppets’ facial features twisting and distorting, I just have to get away from them.’
She realised the extent of her fear when she spotted a furry Muppet toy in a shop as an 18-year-old and ‘just completely freaked out’.
On another occasion, she was at a theme park in Florida with her nephew. He wanted to queue for a Muppets ride – she took flight.
The 37-year-old’s phobia dates back to when she bought a rabbit hutch with her mother and was left ‘in a dark room’ inside the seller’s house with an elderly woman.
‘The elderly woman didn’t say a word, but was obviously unwell.
‘She sat there groaning and wheezing as an episode of The Muppets was playing on the TV,’ she explained. ‘It was the strangest and most terrifying experience of my entire life. When mum came back to collect me from the room, I burst into tears.’
It’s not just Animal and the gang that upsets her, she is also scared of Jim Henson’s other creations – Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock.
While there is no known cure for automatonophobia, possible treatments include hypnosis, psychoanalysis therapy and medication.
But Mrs Broom, from Swansea, said: ‘I haven’t sought medical advice – the phobia is so specialised that I can’t imagine anyone will be able to help me.’
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why do squirrels like nuts and monkeys like bananas and Tudes like chocolate?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
It is simply because they all appreciate the value of trees. Trees give us wonderful things like nuts and bananas and chocolate. YAY for trees.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,Why does Donna like snow and Seedsower like guacamole?
DonkeyDear Donkey,That is just how they were made. Other people just wish they were as awesome as Donna and Seedsower.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Dingdongdingbat is this week’s winner!
Because It Was a Dark and Stormy Night and The Hills are alive with the sound of music!
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. “Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”. That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I’ll never part with it!
Today's YouTube Tune
Fastball - How Did I Get Here
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
