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You are driving down the road on your way to work, and your realize you have not missed Tudesday after all. It felt like it was Wednesday all morning, yet it is only Tudesday! Do you make any conclusions about your observations? Do you mentally note and recall the observations you have made? Is it just another unremarkable incident in your day that you forget about? 
Do you tend to draw conclusions from your observations - or just make the observations? |
May 1, 2012
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Observations and Conclusions - Part 3
April 29, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 4-29-2012
Meet Dopey The Duck, Who Thinks He's A Dog And Plays Fetch With A Sandal
A quackers duck that thinks he's a dog is the latest animal craze to hit YouTube.
A video of Dopey the Duck playing fetch with a sandal has already been viewed over 260,000 times on the video sharing site.
In the video, the rather tame duck can be seen enthusiastically chasing after a flip flop thrown by its owner and returning the sandal swiftly.
The bird does not even use its natural advantage over its canine counterparts and chooses to run across the ground flapping its wings enthusiastically - rather than flying.
The only difference is that rather than playing with the traditional ball, Dopey and his owner have to settle for an old shoe, presumably because it is easier for the duck to carry in his beak.
And while many dogs tire of playing fetch after a few throws, the video shows that Dopey is happy to run after the sandal many times.
It is not known how Dopey's owner trained him to play fetch, however, it is unlikely that ducks are about to replace dogs as man's best friend.
Another set of dog-mimicking ducks are also proving popular on YouTube and while the ducklings can't play any games, they do greet their owner home from work just like an eager puppy.
Watch Dopey the Duck, who thinks he's a dog.
For the original article, go here.
Dull And Boring Towns To Be Twinned
April 25, 2012A village called Dull in Perthshire is to be unofficially twinned with a US town called Boring in Oregon.The people of Dull, Perthshire, ‘are already smiling at the prospect of a new road sign’ once their link to the Oregon town in the US has been approved.
The potential twinning is the brainchild of Dull resident Elizabeth Leighton, who visited Boring while on holiday.
The Oregon town has a population of 1200 however, making it too big to be official paired with the tiny Scottish village – though the partnership offer will be discussed at the town's next meeting.
Dull community councillor Marjorie Keddie said: 'It might seem like a joke, but this could have real benefits for Dull.
'Everyone has been smiling at the prospect of the very eye-catching road sign this will inevitably require.'
There are few similarities between the two locations, though Jim Hart of Boring's newspaper The Sandy Post, said: 'One of the things our communities share is the weather, we get a lot of rain and snow every year.'
For the original article, go here.
Spring has sprung!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
What causes it to snow in April in Rochester? I thought April was for showers and May for flowers? What gives?
Your favorite,
Spazzzzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzzzz,
I think you should shower in every month of the year. If you only shower in April, you will stink! Pee yew!
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Have you considered starting a school to train pants? Obviously, since your pants are the smartest, and you have a smart teacher on your staff, you would have a leg up on the other pant training schools! You could even have a course on how to keep a fly zipped! What do you think?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Well the only guy that was interested in that course of study was the guy on the Progressive Insurance commercial. You know, the one that says, "It's like a SOW-NA up in here." A few moments later he says, "No mas pantelones." Obviously if the man has no pants because they caught fire, I can't teach him a thing.
Miss Smarty Pants
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
Today's YouTube Tune Please sleep, darling sleep and cease counting sheep
And we'll meet at a place where time stands still
despite any will
All the world and everything has gone
And we're two distant stars, the only voice is ours
At peace, in bliss, where time is standing stillPlease sleep, darling sleep, give in to the deep
And we'll met at a place where love abounds,
only joy is found
All the world and everything has gone
And we won't guard our dreams, or bow to
Life's extremes
At peace, in bliss, where time is standing stillSo sleep, darling sleep, we're both falling deep
And we'll meet at a place where time stands still,
despite any will
All the world and everything has gone
And all you have is me and all I need is you
At peace, in bliss, where time stands still
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have any questions for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
April 24, 2012
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Observations and Conclusions - Part 2
You are driving down the road on your way to work. You pass a later model sporty red car, maybe 1 or 2 years old, and it is clean and shiny. The driver's window is rolled down. It is 75 degrees. You notice that the driver appears to be a white blond female with a light tan and long hair. She appears to be in her 20's. Her bare shoulders and arms are visible - and there are no visible straps or other top. However, there may or may not be small straps or other clothing concealed by her hair. She has her left leg raised and her left foot is pressed against the left side of the windshield. A small portion of her ankle is visible and her foot is bare. There is no visible clothing. It appears there may be a small tattoo on her ankle - but it is too small to clearly discern. She is holding her left hand to her ear, much like someone using a cellphone, but there is no cellphone visible. There may or may not be a phone or other object concealed by her hand.
Do you make any conclusions about your observations? Do you mentally note and recall the observations you have made? Is it just another unremarkable incident in your day that you forget about?
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Today's YouTube Tune
Do you tend to draw conclusions from your observations - or just make the observations?
April 22, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 4-22-2012
This is a rerun form last year!
Donkey has gone fishing!
After he gets back, he will have to take a bath!
Then he will be back to editing the Times!
Cat Gives Birth to Dog
April 14, 2011Sheep giving birth to dog? That's so last season... meet the CAT who's just become the proud mother of a kitten-puppy - also in China, oddly enough.Zhou Yun, the cat's owner, says she knew her furry friend was pregnant so she wasn't surprised when she happened upon two kittens at the beginning of the month.
On closer inspection, however, she noticed that one of the babies was dead.
'I then noticed the other kitten surprisingly looks like a dog,' Zhou, who lives in Yangshan, in eastern China's Jiangsu Province, told reporters.
Zhou, who's also the owner of a pet dog that likes to eat and sleep with its feline pal (hmm...), added: 'Quite possibly the kitty is a mixed child'.
Lai Xiaoyun, president of a local pet clinic, has sagely pointed out (after having a good look at the kitten-puppy, to be fair) that it's impossible for a cat to give birth to a dog.
He reckons Zhou's cat popped out two kittens and one died shortly after: 'So the cat went out and accidentally found a litter of newborn puppies and took one home.'
'Cats and dogs are two different species and it's impossible to have joint descendants,' he concluded.
For the original article, go here.
Couple Try to Check Dead Cow onto Transatlantic Flight
April 13, 2011A couple tried to check a dead cow onto a transatlantic flight, Virgin Atlantic has revealed in a list of the most bizarre items passengers have attempted to bring onto flights.The couple in question arrived at New York’s JFK airport with the carcass wrapped up on a trolley and attempted to board a flight to Heathrow airport in London with the dead cow.
Unsurprisingly, staff refused to allow the pair to check in their bizarre luggage.
It’s not just dead cows airport staff have had to deal with, passengers have also tried to bring on items such as car engine, a tarantula and one woman even wanted to bring her own bath onto the plane – again at JFK airport.
A survey by Virgin Atlantic revealed a giant wheel of cheese and cutlery stolen from a previous flight were also among the items brought in to airports. One couple even tried to check in a bag of sand, sea and water to help themselves remember the holiday in Grenada during which they fell in love.
Commenting on the findings, director of corporate communications Greg Dawson, said: ‘Virgin Atlantic check in staff see thousands of passengers on a daily basis but every now and then, a passenger will arrive at check in with something you would never expect – it certainly brightens up their day.’
For the original article, go here.
MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES:ATD -at the doctors. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on. LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. OMSG -oh my! sorry, gas. ROFLACGU-rolling on floor laughing and can't get up. TTYL -talk to you louder...
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Is Tude allergic to spring? Why?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
I think so. Because she didn't get allergic to Winter, she had to get allergic of Spring.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why didn't Donna check with you when her sound went off?
Your favorite,
Spazzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzzz,
Donna has a lot of things that are off. I try to overlook it.
Miss Smarty Pants
Maddlines is this week's winner!Something about a hula dancing senior fool?
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Today's YouTube Tune
I'm A Believer Shrek Music Video
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
April 17, 2012
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Observations and Conclusions
You are driving down the road on your way to work. You pass an older model car, maybe 10 to 15 years old, dark in color and it is dirty. The driver's window is rolled down. It is 65 degrees. You notice that the driver appears to be a white male with a dark tan. He is wearing a short sleeved shirt and his left arm is covered with tattoos. You can see more tattoo ink than natural skin color on his arm. He is smoking a cigarette as he drives. The steering wheel is covered with a black furry cover, the fur being about an inch in length.
Do you make any conclusions about your observations? Do you mentally note and recall the observations you have made? Is it just another unremarkable incident in your day that you forget about?
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
Today's YouTube Tune
Do you tend to draw conclusions from your observations - or just make the observations?
April 15, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 04-15-2012
Unfortunate Hamster Smurf Gets Stuck To Cage After Eating Magnet
April 12, 2012A hamster was in dire need of super powers when she got stuck to her metal cage – after chomping on a magnet from a Spider-Man toy.
Four-month-old Smurf was found hanging from the outside of her cage by her mouth after owner Kate Meech returned from a day out with her family.
After being stuck there for eight hours, the rodent was freed by the mother of four, who then saw the outline of the magnet in Smurf’s cheek pouch.
The metal disc had fallen off the foot of a £6 Spider-Man action figure belonging to Mrs Meech’s ten-year-old son, Thomas, before Smurf munched on the 1p-sized metal and squeezed out of her cage.
Mrs Meech, of Northampton, said: ‘Hamsters are nocturnal so Smurf probably got stuck in the night and was left hanging there all day.
‘After checking on her for a few days, I realised that her body started to push the magnet out of her cheek through the skin.’
She added: 'We found the magnet and she just has a little graze on her cheek. But she's back to her normal, loopy self.
'I've warned the children to keep their toys away from the cage from now on.'
For the original article, go here.
Golden Retriever Leaps To The Rescue To Save Her Puppy From Drowning
April 10, 2012This golden retriever didn't think twice after spotting one of her puppies in danger of drowning in a backyard swimming pool and immediately came to the rescue.The lifeguard dog became concerned after seeing one of its litter struggling to make it from one side of the pool to the other and quickly sprang into action.
After making a splash the retriever attempted to give her offspring a helping hand by nudging it to the safety of dry land.
The quick-thinking canine then jumped out of the pool and grabbed the youngster by the scruff of its neck before dragging her baby to a nearby patch of grass.
Footage of the rescue was uploaded onto video-sharing website YouTube where it has racked up over 200,000 views in less than a week with the caption: 'This video is too cute for words! Watch as a cute puppy has trouble getting out of the pool only to be saved by her mommy.'
The clip has received a mixed response from users, with one commenting: 'Love how the mother dog drags the puppy an extra 10 seconds just to make sure it's far enough away from the pool!'
However many users felt that the clip was set-up, with one saying: 'Yes, it is adorable. But, how could anyone video this?'
While many other likened it to animal cruelty despite receiving more likes than dislikes.
Golden retrievers are known to have an instinctive love of water while they were historically bred to help retrieve shot birds for hunting parties.
For the original article, go here.
There is nothing like matching socks!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
What causes pipe caps to wear out in the middle of the night?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Well it certainly couldn't wear IN, so it had to wear OUT. Then the next thing needed was a nightcap.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why doesn't Donkey wear caps? You never see Donkey in a cap! Why doesn't he wear a cap?
Your Favorite,
Spazzzzzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzz,
It is hard to find the Mad Hatter to make a hat in Donkey's size that also have holes for his ears. Equine Millinery services are typically difficult to acquire.
Miss Smarty Pants
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day "People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women."
Today's YouTube Tune Triosence ft. Sara Gazarek - Like the Wind
When we first spoke of "love"
Or a "spirit from above"
You asked how I knew
There was something watching over me and youYou smiled and you said
I was lucky to feel led
And I tried to convey
What I figured out for me and for my wayIt's like the wind
I can't see it, I can't touch it, still
I feel it's there
When I close my eyes
I feel wonder, beauty, joy, love
That's the core of everythingIs it time, or a She
Or a light inside of me?
Is it love? Is it God?
It doesn't really matter what it's called.
It doesn't really matter what it's called.It's like the wind
I can't see it, I can't touch it, still
I feel it's there
When I close my eyes
I feel wonder, beauty, joy, love
That's the core of everythingIs it time, or a She
Or a light inside of me?
Is it love? Is it God?
It doesn't really matter what it's called.
It doesn't really matter what it's called.
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have any questions for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
April 10, 2012
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You'd Better Not Start Anything!
Tude went to Chewing Gum, New York a couple of years ago!
Her GPS said she was off the road!
She texted me and I told her to ask a cow!
Cows will never steer you wrong!
Just make sure its a cow and not a steer!
And course...
You want to be sure the cow has not been milked on the wrong side of the bucket!
You might have to get the cow some Steerbucks otherwise!
Tude brought me an empty Izze can!
What more can a donkey ask for?
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. "You have to wear a tie," says the bouncer.
The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck, and goes back to the club.
The bouncer lets him in but warns, "I'll be watching, so you better not start anything!"
Today's YouTube Tune
When was your last road trip? Business or pleasure?
April 8, 2012
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The Sunday Donkey Times 04-08-2012
HAPPY EASTER
When I was a kid in Michigan, we always got these big bunny balloons for Easter.
Petrified Postmen Ordered To Stay Away From Snowball The Cat
Frightened postal workers have been banned from delivering letters to one notoriously hazardous address after being repeatedly 'attacked' by a three-year-old cat called Snowball.
Following a thorough investigation the Royal Mail has stopped its workers from delivering mail to the address after labeling the black and white moggy a 'health and safety risk'.
Despite being described as 'absolutely harmless' by owner Ian Wilkinson, the UK's postal service said Snowball posed an 'unacceptably high level of risk'.
Royal Mail said three employees suffered 'quite deep cuts' after all being attacked by the 10inch tall feline.
Mr Wilkinson, 46, said he was shocked when he received a letter from Royal Mail saying its workers would no longer be delivering mail to his home in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire.
The letter said the postal ban will continue until he has found a way of stopping Snowball from attacking its workers.
The computer analyst said: 'It’s utterly ridiculous.
'I have never seen her attack a person. Sometimes she sniffs people’s feet when they come over for dinner - that’s as vicious as she gets.'
He also said he could not see how it was possible for his pet to have attacked the three posties: 'Although I acknowledge that my cat is a very intelligent animal, she is not able to lift up a spring loaded flap, keep it open, push her paw through a double brush guard and maul an unsuspecting delivery person in the time it take to delivery of the letter.'
'I respect postmen come out in all sorts of weather conditions, but they are in serious danger of making the Post Office a laughing stock.'
A neighbour added: 'Snowball is a lovely cat and friendly. I can’t imagine her ever attacking anybody.'
However Royal Mail has insisted Mr Wilkinson will not receive any mail until an 'alternative safe delivery point' has been put in place.
A spokesman added: 'There are around 4,000 animal attacks a year on Royal Mail people.
'These attacks cause great distress and in too many cases serious injuries.'
For the original article, go here.
Return Of The Cat: Missing Moggy Reunited With Owner After 16 Years
A German woman received the shock of her life when her pet cat Poldi turned up unexpectedly - 16 years after going missing.Pet cat Poldi disappeared from its home in Munich, Germany, in 1996 and was never seen again by its distraught owners.
However the forgotten feline is set to be reunited with its owner after being found living over 20 miles away in a forest.
The stray was spotted sitting on a log by 19-year-old Kilian Schoettel and his family, who took the ginger cat into a local animal centre.
His father Bernhard told a Munich-based newspaper: 'My son immediately noticed that the animal was quite old. He felt sorry for it because it no longer had any front teeth.
'The tom was very trusting. We fed him for a few days and discovered that he was tattooed, so we took him to the animal sanctuary over the weekend.'
It is unknown how the cat managed to survive for such a long time or how it ended up so far away.
The sanctuary was able to identify him from his inked ear and got in contact with his owners who, according to centre spokesman Eveline Kosenbach, 'no longer had any hope of Poldi turning up again'.
She added: 'The cat was not feeling well - and obviously wanted to be found.
'He is now enjoying being looked after and is happily back with his owner at long last.'
His owner Monika Moser believed Poldi ran away because he disliked her other pet cat.
For the original article, go here.
Happy Easter!
I hope you got everything you wanted in your Easter basket!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why do they call the weed that is wiping out Texas wildflowers like the bluebonnet a bastard-cabbage? The plant is actually a member of the mustard family! What gives?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
You said a naughty word. I suggest you don't say words like that in front of a lady or a man for that matter. For your punishment you have to go out into the wildflower fields and eat some of those nasty weeds that are choking out the wildflowers. Think of it as community service. Take along some mustard. It is my favorite condiment!Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If the Easter Bunny is a good bunny, does that mean that the Wester Bunny is also a good bunny, and the Norther bunny is a mean ugly bunny? Or is that a bunny of a different color?
Your favorite,
Spazzzzzzzz
Dear Spazzzzzz,
In my opinion, Blue Bunny is the best kind of bunny. Blue Bunny makes delicious ice cream. All my little friends in Oz like it too, but that is a story of another sort.
Miss Smarty Pants
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Today's YouTube Tune
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have any questions for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
April 7, 2012
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Triosence with Sara Gazarek – Where Time Stands Still
Triosence with Sara Gazarek – Where Time Stands Still
This is beautiful jazz - a jazz trio - Triosence - plus a jazz guitar and the most angelic voice in jazz that I have ever heard - Sara Gazarek.Here are links to a couple of reviews:
Better yet, here are links to a couple of YouTube clips from the album:
Apparently, there are different releases of this CD. On the Apple iTunes site there is a slightly different collection of songs than are on the CD I got from Amazon.
Truly - linked above - is listed on the iTunes collection - however it is not on my CD.
There are a few other differences.
April 3, 2012
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Bastard Cabbage - Taking Over Texas!
Bastard Cabbage is taking over Texas wildflowers!
This is bastard cabbage!
BIOLOGY & SPREAD
Annual bastard-cabbage seeds germinate early in the growing season (late fall or early winter) and quickly cover the ground with a blanket of leafy rosettes (circles of leaves at ground level). These dense rosettes block sunlight from reaching seeds and seedlings of native plants."It's a bad invasive plant. It's just galloping down the roadside. It comes up very early. It has huge bottom leaves that smother out the growth of other wildflowers. It goes all the way to the coast. People have been talking about it in Corpus and Port Aransas," Tiede says. "It's a foot, foot-and-a-half and even taller, stalky plant with little bitty yellow flowers about an inch across."You'll see whole fields of yellow and I think a lot of people see that and say 'Oh, what a nice wildflower.' "Well no, it's not nice at all."
from - The Dastardly Bastard Cabbage and What It Has Done to Texas Bluebonnets
This is a Texas bluebonnet!
More Bluebonnets!
My sister has some bastard cabbage in her backyard. Ack!
It would be a lot of work to pull all that stuff. I must find an easier way!
I don't know why, but I am still thinking about last week's post on fat!
Hmmm... I wonder why that is?
Dead Turkey Joke of the Day
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Today's YouTube Tune
Triosence & Sara Gazarek - Truly
Do you have bastard cabbage in your neighborhood?
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