Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
@Music-Turned-Human is this week's winner! Something about bathing in chocolate?
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey! |
October 20, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-20-2013
October 12, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-13-2013
So, What Do Bears Do In The Woods? Play Piano
They are best known for eating honey and hugging each other, but bears seem to have hidden talents.
These creatures were photographed sitting at a piano, looking at a laptop and inspecting a car engine.
Paul Cyr decided to have some fun with four black bear families that have visited his garden for three years.
He set up props including an arm chair, mirror and a camera and waited in a camouflaged hide to film the animals in a variety of comical situations.
Mr Cyr used food including seeds and jam put in strategic spots to get the bears to take up the right position for his shots.
One young bear climbed on to the seat at an old piano and seemed to play the instrument, while another peered curiously at a laptop screen.
Others bears checked their ref-lection in a mirror and even played the role of mechanic looking under a car bonnet.
Another of Mr Cyr’s images shows an expectant cub sitting in a trailer, seeming to wait for a driver to take him somewhere.
‘For the piano shots, I used sunflower seeds,’ said Mr Cyr, from Presque Isle in Maine, US.
‘The bears love the seeds but they are so small that it’s hard for them to pick them up.
‘But his paws looked great scraping over the piano keys.’
For the original article with more pictures, go here.
Orphaned Otter Cub Rescued From Scottish Street On The Road To Recovery
A baby otter cub found disorientated on a Scottish street is on the mend after being rescued by an animal welfare charity.
Lost Murkle was spotted by a member of the public near the village of Lybster on Scotland’s east coast on October 3.
The eight-week-old is currently being cared for at the Scottish SPCA’s National Wildlife Rescue Centre in Fishcross, Clackmannanshire.
‘Murkle was very sick, weak and lethargic when she was found,’ explained Inspector Audrey Gunn.
‘Sadly, it’s possible her mother has been killed or frightened off. She wouldn’t have been able to survive on her own as otters usually remain with their parents until they’re around a year old.
‘After some time in a heated room at the vets Murkle became a lot brighter.
‘I was advised to feed her trout and I gave the fishmonger a bit of a laugh when I told him who I was shopping for. He joked that Murkle was better fed than him.’
The Scottish SPCA hopes to release Murkle back into the wild in around 12 months when she is ‘fit and healthy and able to fend for herself’.
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,The dog comes in and eats the toast off the cat and a fight sequence follows shortly.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why do different color skittles have different taste but different color M&M’s all taste the same¿
Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,That is solely to annoy Lindain and then as an added benefit it is to give her new art supplies which she uses to entertain the rest of the world. She is good about that.
Miss Smarty Pants
The US government is this week's winner!
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
A scroungy looking fellow goes into a bar and orders a drink.The bartender says, “No way; I don’t think you can pay for it.”The guy shrugs, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”
The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t too risque.”
“Done!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a very large gerbil. He puts the gerbil on the bar and it scampers down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing some wonderful Scott Joplin tunes.
The bartender says, “Truly Amazing! I’ve never seen anything like that before. Your furry friend is truly good on the piano.”
The fellow grins, downs the drink and asks for another.
“Cash, another miracle or else no drink,” says the bartender.
Undaunted, the fellow reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous baritone voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
Another patron from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $500 on the spot for the frog. The guy says, “Done, sir.” He takes the five and gives the stranger the frog.
The stranger beats a hasty retreat out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, “What are you? Wacko? You sold a singing frog for just $500? That thing must be worth millions. You’re crazy.”
“Maybe not…,” says the guy, “Considering my friend the gerbil is also a ventriloquist.”
Today's YouTube Tune
The Beatles - A Hard Days Night
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
October 6, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 10-6-2013
Cute White Female Lion Cub Born In Zoo
A newborn white lion cub has been wowing visitors to a zoo in Serbia.
The young female, who has not yet been named, has already captured the hearts of guests at Belgrade’s ‘good hope garden’ zoo.
The 2.8lb youngster was born just over a week ago to proud parents Masha and Wambo. The animal park in the Serb capital now has 11 white lions.
The carnivores are no longer present in the wild so the increased numbers in captivity are welcome.
It was not all good news though as a newborn male white lion did not survive after being born recently.
A video of the cute cat has been released alongside its unveiling, showing it purring while being watched over by one of its keepers.
YouTube users commented on how cute the cub was.
No Name No Fame wrote: ‘Why are baby animals so freakin’ cute’
Enlightenfawn added: ‘Kitty! How Precious:-} She’s saying “Where’s My Mommy? I’m hungry!”‘
For the original article, go here.
Mother Haunted By Childhood Phobia Of The Muppet Show
Most people have fond childhood memories of Kermit The Frog, Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear.
But even the thought of The Muppet Show terrifies mother-of-two Lindsay Broom.
She has suffered from a phobia of puppets – called automatonophobia – since she was five.
‘All it takes is for my husband, Alex, to hum The Muppets theme song and I’m a wreck,’ she said.
‘When I see them, I automatically imagine the puppets’ facial features twisting and distorting, I just have to get away from them.’
She realised the extent of her fear when she spotted a furry Muppet toy in a shop as an 18-year-old and ‘just completely freaked out’.
On another occasion, she was at a theme park in Florida with her nephew. He wanted to queue for a Muppets ride – she took flight.
The 37-year-old’s phobia dates back to when she bought a rabbit hutch with her mother and was left ‘in a dark room’ inside the seller’s house with an elderly woman.
‘The elderly woman didn’t say a word, but was obviously unwell.
‘She sat there groaning and wheezing as an episode of The Muppets was playing on the TV,’ she explained. ‘It was the strangest and most terrifying experience of my entire life. When mum came back to collect me from the room, I burst into tears.’
It’s not just Animal and the gang that upsets her, she is also scared of Jim Henson’s other creations – Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock.
While there is no known cure for automatonophobia, possible treatments include hypnosis, psychoanalysis therapy and medication.
But Mrs Broom, from Swansea, said: ‘I haven’t sought medical advice – the phobia is so specialised that I can’t imagine anyone will be able to help me.’
For the original article, go here.
Spazzz told me not to forget something - but I forgot what it was!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why do squirrels like nuts and monkeys like bananas and Tudes like chocolate?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
It is simply because they all appreciate the value of trees. Trees give us wonderful things like nuts and bananas and chocolate. YAY for trees.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why does Donna like snow and Seedsower like guacamole?
DonkeyDear Donkey,That is just how they were made. Other people just wish they were as awesome as Donna and Seedsower.
Miss Smarty Pants
@Dingdongdingbat is this week’s winner!
Because It Was a Dark and Stormy Night and The Hills are alive with the sound of music!
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. “Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”. That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I’ll never part with it!
Today's YouTube Tune
Fastball - How Did I Get Here
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
September 29, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 9-29-2013
Bear Walks Into Bar, Barmaid Tells Him To Get Out… He Leaves
September 25, 2013
We’ve all heard jokes that begin with someone walking into a bar, but few of us would have actually lived through the real-life version where it was a black bear who was coming in, and even left when it was told to.
That’s what happened at the Alaskan Hotel in downtown Juneau when the large animal stumbled into a bar to the horror of employee Ariel Svetlik-McCarthy.
Rather than flee the scene, the brave bartender shouted: ‘No bear! Get out! No! You can’t be in here!’
What happened next was unexpected as the beast complied and quickly left the building.
State biologist Ryan Scott said although black bears had wandered into homes in the area before, it was rare for them to go inside businesses.‘
Sounds to me like they did great, and it’s good news the bear did oblige,’ he said.
The owner of the bar, C Scott Fry, added the bear had walked in like it had wanted a beer.
For the original article, go here.
Raccoon Survives Month At Sea By Eating Cardboard
A stowaway raccoon is thought to have survived a month at sea by eating cardboard.
Curious Meeko got in a container in Davenport, Iowa, US, that was sent by rail to Halifax in Canada and shipped to Liverpool.
The cargo was driven to Ebbw Vale in South Wales, where workers found a furry extra in their machine parts order.‘
She was really thin when she arrived but is starting to put some weight on,’ said Jan Garen, who has given Meeko a home at Wales Ape and Monkey sanctuary, in Abercrave.‘
She is getting used to us but she has had a rough ride. She was locked in that container for four weeks and somehow survived by drinking condensation and eating cardboard.
‘It’s obvious that she wasn’t a pet, she’s a wild animal so she has to be handled very carefully.’
Her new parents now plan to build a permanent home for the cheeky critter, who is slowly returning to full health, at the Welsh sanctuary.
For the original article, go here.
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
Because a song about Jimmy breaking wind would NOT be as fun. So cracking corn is so much better. My dad has been known to crack corn. He tells some of the dumbest jokes ever. CORN!!!
Miss Smarty Pants
When two planes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?
Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,A near miss is just a misnomer. It is really a near hit. I think it is more about when a plane misses the right place to be and nearly smacks into another plane. The people at the common usage department had a typo and are too stubborn to fix their error, so, we all just use this phrase and know what it is supposed to say.
Miss Smarty Pants
Doc is this week's winner!
Something about a bloody hand and going out to dinner?
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Headlines:Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with AxPlane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Today's YouTube Tune
Vince Jones - Don't Worry About A Thing
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
September 22, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 9-22-2013
Pets Eat When ‘Emotionally Distressed’ Just Like Us, Say Experts
September 22, 2013
Is your pet putting on weight? It may be eating to quell emotional distress just as humans do, say experts.Overeating may not be a psychological issue that is solely the preserve of human beings, with vets claiming in new research that cats and dogs are disposed to ‘emotional eating’ too.The assertions were made in a new edition of the Journal of Veterinary Behavior, which looked at the eating habits of a range of animals as well as humans.It said that eating can be seen as a ‘coping mechanism’ for pets, too, to combat stress and depression, in light of the animals consuming food when they weren’t even hungry.
While the study said that obesity rates can be as much as 25 per cent in cats and 45 per cent in dogs, one expert has said that putting the creatures on a diet could possibly worsen the situation.
‘The bottom line is that there is a ton of evidence in humans and animals like rodents that stress induced eating, or emotional eating is a very real thing and contributes to obesity, so we should be looking at it in pet animals,’ Dr McMillan from the Best Friends Animal Society told The Daily Telegraph.
‘If this is a major factor in our pet animals, then the standard approach, by simply yanking away their food, is very misguided and potentially harmful.’
For the original article, go here!
Runaway Potbellied Pig Captured By Police In Austin, Texas
The usual suspects were nowhere to be seen when police in Texas received reports of an unusual visitor wandering the streets of the state’s capital.
Officers from Austin Police Department were left bemused when they were dispatched to deal with an errant pig drifting along the road.
The little porker had apparently escaped from its owner before attracting the attention of concerned residents and motorists.
Being more used to dealing with hardened criminals, officer Jason Hallmark made light work of catching the pig and bundling it into the back of his patrol car.
Despite the 30lb making a mess in the backseat of, officer Hallmark appeared to strike up a rapport with the piglet.
‘Hey! Why did you poop in my car?’ he asks at one point.
After being taken to Austin Animal Centre for a check-up, the fugitive pig was later reunited with its thankful owners.
For the original article and a video clip, go here!
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
They say it because they want to look smart, but really they just look foolish. Sometimes, though, they say it to reinforce a concept. It goes without saying that parents love their kids, but they continue to tell them every day. As if wearing rainbow jackets and socks doesn't say I love you enough, people still say the words.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why do people say I wear mismatched socks?
Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,Your socks are magnificent. I have a secret love of socks actually. I prefer holiday socks though. Socks for every holiday. You would find it an interesting tidbit to know that I do not own Thanksgiving socks even though I've spent years looking for them. I think sock manufacturers must not know how that impacts my holiday sock collection. Your socks are not mismatched. They just reflect the many moods you might encounter in a day.
Miss Smarty Pants
I Don't Know is this week's winner!
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Today's YouTube Tune
Please Mr. Postman - The Beatles
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
September 16, 2013
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Double You (W)
Years ago, when I was in grade school, I had a classmate whose name was Eddie – short for Edward. Eddie was a little slower than the rest of us and also had a bit of a speech impediment. He would stutter when saying certain words and letters. Of course, kids being what they are, Eddie was teased a lot. This really didn’t help his confidence much, but he was placed in mainstream classes and that just came with the territory. But this really isn’t about Eddie, but about all of us. Its just that this true story about Eddie illustrates the point so well.
Columbus Elementary School, Edwardsville, Illinois
In third grade, our teacher often held class-wide spelling bees. All of the class would stand up to begin with and be given words to spell in turn, and with each failed spelling another student would sit down until the winner was the only student still standing. The student before Eddie failed to spell his word correctly, and so the word was given to Eddie. The word began with the letter “W”. “W” was a letter Eddie had great difficulty with, but Eddie knew how to spell the word, so he was excited. He started out as usual saying “Doub, doub, doub, doub, doub…” Finally he said, “I can’t say that letter!” So the teacher asked him to write it on the board. So Eddie went up to the board and began to write the first lines of the letter “W”. He stopped, and turned around with a confused look on his face and said without missing a beat nor uttering a stutter: “I forgot how to write a double you!” The class cracked up – and so did Eddie! Although I think his feelings were hurt again – he played along – because I think he was as surprised as everyone else – and now he knew that he could say the letter “W”.
The school was just a few blocks from the theatre – see Old Movie Theatre
The point is, that saying the letter “W” was something that Eddie could do. Something in his head had convinced him that he could not say the letter “W” – and each time he tried to say it – he began his old pattern. I think most of us are like that in some ways. We have many gifts and talents that we do not recognize – and what is holding us back is not our basic abilities – but our belief that we can’t do it.
Maybe this Kangaroo will lend me his ear?
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ear!”
Donkey Nuzzles!
What is YOUR "W"?
September 15, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times 9-15-2013
David v Goliath: Ninja Rabbit Fights Back Against Leopard
September 11, 2013
The odds of survival were rather slim for this unlucky rabbit after coming face-to-face with a leopard and two tigers in eastern China.
As the predator approached, the white bunny had to spring into action to avoid being devoured for lunch. With the big cat going in for the kill, the ninja rabbit hopped over his head, giving him a cheeky kick as it went.
The luckless rabbit was used by keepers during a test of the five-month-old’s wild natural instincts at a wildlife park in Qingdao, Shandong province.
The test is part of the park’s body examination procedure on recent born tigers, lions and leopards, according to local media. Despite the rabbit’s valiant efforts to avoid the hungry predator, we fear it is unlikely the critter managed to pull off a miracle escape when it was later pitted against two baby tigers.
For the original article, go here.
Skateboarding Goat Happie Could Be The Most Amazing Animal On The Planet
Meet the record-breaking goat who likes to get around on four wheels.
Happie could be the most talented animal on the planet after learning how to skateboard, although that dog from Britain’s Got Talent might disagree.
The gifted animal has just set a new world record for the furthest distance on a skateboard ever by a goat – 36m in 25 seconds.
Owner Melody Cooke regularly takes Happie to her local car park in Fort Myers, Florida, where the goat has spent hours honing her amazing talent.‘
She figured out how to get on and “woah” this is amazing the goat can skateboard. Let me see how far I can go with this,’ explained Ms Cooke.‘After she became a Guinness World Record skateboarder, she’s become a bit of a diva.’
Happie’s record-breaking achievement has made it into the latest edition of the world’s best-selling book, Guinness World Records 2014.
For the original article with a video link, go here.
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
Why does "infatuation" rhyme with "graduation" and "degradation" and "insinuation"?
Donkey
Dear Donkey,
The fascination this question brings to me reminds me why education is so important. There must be a cessation of silly questions from the younger generation. Of course that observation won't bring any realization due to excessive recreation. I hope that brings you a bit of revelation.
Miss Smarty Pants
Why don't people send me chocolate in the summer?Your Favorite,
Spazzzz
Dear Spazzz,Because it is hot and chocolate gets all sorts of melty.
@Spazmom40 is this week's winner!
Something about going home on a red eye?
Well, that's the way it was!
Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day
Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?
A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint.Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
Today's YouTube Tune
Roll Over Beethoven - The Beatles
Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!
September 12, 2013
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