September 29, 2013

• The Sunday Donkey Times 9-29-2013

  Bear Walks Into Bar, Barmaid Tells Him To Get Out… He Leaves September 25, 2013 We’ve all heard jokes that begin with someone walking into a bar, but few of us would have actually lived through the real-life version where it was a black bear who was coming in, and even left when it was told to. That’s what happened at the Alaskan Hotel in downtown Juneau when the large animal stumbled into a bar to the horror of employee Ariel Svetlik-McCarthy. Rather than flee the scene, the brave bartender shouted: ‘No bear! Get out! No! You can’t be in here!’ What happened next was unexpected as the beast complied and quickly left the building. State biologist Ryan Scott said although black bears had wandered into homes in the area before, it was rare for them to go inside businesses.‘ Sounds to me like they did great, and it’s good news the bear did oblige,’ he said. The owner of the bar, C Scott Fry, added the bear had walked in like it had wanted a beer. For the original article, go here.   Raccoon Survives Month At Sea By Eating Cardboard September 26, 2013 A stowaway raccoon is thought to have survived a month at sea by eating cardboard. Curious Meeko got in a container in Davenport, Iowa, US, that was sent by rail to Halifax in Canada and shipped to Liverpool. The cargo was driven to Ebbw Vale in South Wales, where workers found a furry extra in their machine parts order.‘ She was really thin when she arrived but is starting to put some weight on,’ said Jan Garen, who has given Meeko a home at Wales Ape and Monkey sanctuary, in Abercrave.‘ She is getting used to us but she has had a rough ride. She was locked in that container for four weeks and somehow survived by drinking condensation and eating cardboard. ‘It’s obvious that she wasn’t a pet, she’s a wild animal so she has to be handled very carefully.’ Her new parents now plan to build a permanent home for the cheeky critter, who is slowly returning to full health, at the Welsh sanctuary. For the original article, go here.   Dear Miss Smarty Pants, If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Donkey Dear Donkey, Because a song about Jimmy breaking wind would NOT be as fun.  So cracking corn is so much better.  My dad has been known to crack corn.  He tells some of the dumbest jokes ever.  CORN!!! Miss Smarty Pants Dear Miss Smarty Pants, When two planes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? Your Favorite, Spazzzz Dear Spazzz, A near miss is just a misnomer.  It is really a near hit.  I think it is more about when a plane misses the right place to be and nearly smacks into another plane.  The people at the common usage department had a typo and are too stubborn to fix their error, so, we all just use this phrase and know what it is supposed to say. Miss Smarty Pants From @Seedsower Doc is this week's winner! Something about a bloody hand and going out to dinner? Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week! Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day Headlines: Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with AxPlane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Today's YouTube Tune Vince Jones - Don't Worry About A Thing Did you see an interesting news article this past week? Do you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants? Report it to the Donkey!

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