July 27, 2013
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The Sunday Donkey Times - Rerun
Cat of Doom
Thursday, July 26, 2007When Oscar the Cat visits residents of the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, the staff jumps into action - because Oscar has an uncanny habit of foretelling the death of patients.In his two years living in Steere's end-stage dementia unit, Oscar has been at the bedside of more than 25 residents shortly before they died, according to Dr. David Dosa of Brown University in Providence.
He wrote about the cat of doom in the extremely prestigious New England Journal of Medicine.
'It's not that the cat is consistently there first,' Dr. Joan Teno, a professor of community health at Brown University, who sees patients in the unit. 'But the cat always does manage to make an appearance, and it always seems to be in the last two hours.'
Raised at the nursing home since he was a kitten, Oscar often checks in on residents, but when he curls up for a visit, physicians and nursing home staff know it's time to call the family.
For the rest of the story, go here!
Editorial Comment: There is much more to most animals than we ever realize! Oh! And there is another cat of doom: Spazzzz! If you take Spazzz's chocolate, you are doomed!
Rogue Cat Blacks Out HomesFriday, May 18, 2007
Power to a dozen homes had to be cut off – so engineers could rescue a cat stuck at the top of a 10m (30ft) pylon.Flash the cat climbed to the top of the pylon in Lydd, near Folkestone, Kent, but was unable to get down.
When he was spotted by a worried neighbour, engineers from EDF Energy were called out to help.
The power supply was cut off to homes in the area to make the pylon safe to climb.
Editorial Comment: What are they even talking about! Flash is not a cat! But if that cat touches the wire they can call it flash!
The Lesson for the Day
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
I think a lot should be one word: alot
Lindaintennessee says "That would save space"
So, Ms Smarty Pants, WHY is it a lot and not ALOT
Dear Spazzzzz again......
A lot is something you build a house on. ALOT is something that is in generous amounts. But there are some picky grammarians out there that insist it be two words. I say, if you need to save space and have lots of extra vowels sitting around, then make it one word.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,
If you have a wedgy and no where to fix it, is it OK to just yank on it where you are?
Signed "Woman With the Wedgy that Won't Quit"
Dear Wedgy Woman,
I know a young lady that calls a certain variety of undergarments "wedgy panties". I think that is quite funny don't you? Those things called thongs. I much prefer flip flops actually. Well if you get right down to it, I prefer good old tennis shoes. So maybe if you wear tennis shoes you won't have a problem.
Miss Smarty Pants
Dear Miss Smarty Pants,What is the meaning of life?
Dear Seedsower,
Well the meaning of life is pretty simple. It is a breakfast cereal. It means to fill you up so you don't go around sounding like a hungry lion until lunch.
Miss Smarty Pants
If you have a question for Miss Smarty Pants, please send a message to the newspaper editor.
Well, that's the way it was! Your Donkey on the Beat, signing off until next week!
Dead Turkey Jokes of the Day This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the s tore. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least...
15. December 23: Went i nto a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Regards,
Walmart
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Comments (8)
The Dead Turkey joke had me laughing! I think I know Mr. Fenton (not his real name!!!) This post was the cat's meow!
The cat comes back! Mr. Fenton is just like the annoying cat!
oooh nooooo, is this the last sunday?
Hey Donkey, wanna go shopping?
@dingdongdingbat - What's the temperature out?
@Donkey_Guy_10 - Oh about 73 and the rain has let up. Don't think it would be nearly as much fun as shopping when it's 93 and raining.