May 7, 2013
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Domestic Abuse
This might affect someone you know!
From this web site:
www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects
Types of domestic violence and abuse
There are different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual, and economic abuse. Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic abuse, and the boundaries between some of these behaviors may overlap.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.
Physical abuse
When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. There’s a broad range of behaviors that come under the heading of physical abuse, including hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon.
Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
Economic or financial abuse
Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he will frequently hurt you to do that. In addition to hurting you emotionally and physically, an abusive partner may also hurt you in the pocketbook. Economic of financial abuse includes:
- Controlling the finances.
- Withholding money or credit cards.
- Giving you an allowance.
- Making you account for every penny you spend.
- Stealing from you or taking your money.
- Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
- Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
- Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
- Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Do you:- feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
- avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Does your partner:
- humiliate or yell at you?
- criticize you and put you down?
- treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- blame you for their own abusive behavior?
- see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Does your partner:
- have a bad and unpredictable temper?
- hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- threaten to take your children away or harm them?
- threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
- force you to have sex?
- destroy your belongings?
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner: - act excessively jealous and possessive?
- control where you go or what you do?
- keep you from seeing your friends or family?
- limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
- constantly check up on you?
If you know someone who might be the victim of domestic abuse, please do your best to help them out. They cannot always help themselves. Do your homework to avoid doing more damage than good!www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects
Please?
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Do you know someone who is being abused?
Comments (11)
Its not always easy to leave someone who has taken away every aspect of a woman, when they live in an unhealthy & abusive relationship. But with help, care & love of others, it can be done. I too, encourage others to take that first step & seek help.
women will leave an abusive relationship for their children before they do for themselves.
I think it's sad that they don't think more of themselves to save themselves but at least they will get out to help their children.
you can't have a dictatorship without two people. They have to stand up and say,"no."
Excellent post Donkey. If this reaches just one victim of domestic abuse then it is worth the time you took to write it.
@Texasjillcarmel - You can't stand up unless you have legs to stand with. That's the thing. People in abusive relationships, the ones that are really abusive, are slowly and quietly eroded away. It isn't obvious unless it's in retrospect, and by then, even the thought of trying to get out is so exhausting - and you are already emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. Plus, the deceiver has whispered the lie that it won't ever be different, you can't be happy without him, he'll kill you, himself, others, whatever the threat is. Sometimes it isn't even a lie.
It isn't about lacking the will to get out for themselves. Strength doesn't come until healing does, and do you suppose healing comes while still suffering the abuse?
So then what? Then police or medical personnel or family members pressure you to press charges, make a report. They take away your ability to make a decision for yourself, too. Even if it is with good intention, it also says, "you lack the capacity to handle this for yourself. You can't make good decisions unless we tell you what good decisions are."
What do you do, then? It's my opinion that you work on only building the abused person up. Make sure they know you are a safe place, that with you they can find safe haven when and if it becomes necessary. Be there. Make sure they know you love them. That they are worthwhile. That they are important to you and that they matter.
Direct safety of life and limb is different of course, because you can't stand by and watch someone die. That is when you step in.
Great post. Also, remember that the average number of times a victim leaves an abuser is 7-8 before they leave and stay gone. So if you know someone who has left an abusive situation and returned to it, don't give up on them. It's common! It's also very dangerous to leave. People who leave an abusive partner are 75times more likely to be killed while leaving than at any other time. If someone is afraid to leave, they have good reason to be. Safety planning for leaving can help reduce the risk of death. Call your local program or the national hotline for assistance with safety planning.
The US national domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
It is not easy to break the chains of fear and abuse sometimes it takes years
@Texasjillcarmel - Say no to my wife?
Thank you for posting this! This information needs to be shared over and over again!
I greatly appreciate anyone who does or says anything that helps other people to find a way out of the abuse!
HUGS!
Very sad for anyone in that situation.
I've seen it and there is no easy answer. Sometimes it takes a crisis for the abused to make the choice to leave and until they decide, you can only offer support. I am lucky. I dated a boy in HS that had a very bad temper. It didn't last. Mostly because I refused to cower - he decided I wasn't "meek" enough for his tastes. I think I dodged a bullet!!
Yer tellin' me to take notes from a jackass about domestic violence? Next thing ye know you will be an expert on foreign violence! Silly donkey, violence is for pirates!
Sail on... sail on!!!